Achievement Tests

[Lagoonpool]

Hello everyone! This is a thread started by Lightningheart and I. Post here, it's a test. Make a story. Any day Lightnigheart or I will come and check it. We will give you critisism good or bad. This is just to help you know your mistakes. ((If you do well and try your best, you can earn some karma!!!)) Here are the rules:

Capitalization, punctuation, complete sentences, no run on sentences, action words, no short posts!(At least 15 lines), SPELL CHECK!!!

You can post until November 30th. No checking will be done on November 27th (it's Lightnings b-day!!!)

Thankyou!!!!
Lan and Lightning

Have a super catalious day!

Good nyght America

[Lightningstar]

Thank you Lagoonie .

Now to the pineapple, I mean core.

Ok this is not a forever and ever life test!Once you have done this we will mark this out of 15. Then that one day will be out of 45 which the total is out of 60. Now we will help you "after" you have finished this part of the test, which will help you on the second part .
Thank you for having a look at this, oh and one more thing!

After you have finished the complete test and pasted 70% we will give you a badge on your signature. Now this doesn't mean me are never going to help you again if you made a horrible post. It just means you get lay-off!

[Starfall]

YAY! So do I just right a paragraph here or copoy and paste one good paragraph I did?

[Lightningstar]

Write one here!

[Starfall]

OK...... About the site or any subject?

[Lightningstar]

Anything! No more meaningless posts! *whacks Snowstorm with orange, dotted monkey!*

[Starfall]

((owwwwww! * finds paper and pen* * starts writing* * starts reading it out loud*))

There once was a monkey named Lightningheart. She had orange and blue poka dots on her entire head. She had a black pelt underneath the orange and blue poka dots. One day Lightningheart was made deputy cause of poka dot pelt and awesome humor. Today, as we speak she is now running for leader. Maybe she maybe called by kits the '"Dottystar" All warriors know she is Lightningstar. Lightningstar made herself the bestest leader in all starclan history 100 years later.

The end

(( AHAHAHA!!!!! Its a little paragraph I though of ten seconds after when you hit the monkey on my head, Its a joke though. So dont worry! Yes? ))

[Lightningstar]

Wow, really you DON'T want me to make that!Lagoonpool said 15 lines (at least). I could also see many errors, try again!

[Lagoonpool]

yes please read the instructions and I will talk to Lightningheart because I think we should only write about Warriors.

[Starfall]

MONKEYS!!!! Must try again...... I have writers block.... at the current moment... I will post another story after.... Hmmmm *thinks while hitting head with a plastic sword.*

[Lightningstar]

Oh yes Lagoonie, or Smith!(that fits you better ).
Warriors it is, Warriors has more power for words. And since you know me you shouldn't be writing about me!

[Starfall]

((It was a certain joke. I am sure you would do it me. For sure! You dont like pineapples and you always say Monkeys.... AND you hit me with a monkey that had spots on it. But you say stuff about monkeys and pineapples here. You see? and stuff about pepsi too...... Enough about that here's a different paragraph. ))

Snowstorm was running through the forest. Down into the marshes in Shadowclan territory. The skies where pitch black. The fields glowing along the light of silverpelt. SNowstorm stopped in the middle of the field in confusion. The stars in Silverpelt were shining most brightly then any other star in the sky. It must be the day were Tigerstar was killed. So the ones he had killed are shinig brightky with Pride when they sacrificed themselves to fight against the dark creature. Siting there in amazement, Snowstorm got up and headed back to camp...


(( There! A new paragraph ))

[Swifty]

( I guess I can join this little party. Although I'm the most perfect poster!)


They stood there, side by side, nearly identical but different in so many ways. The twins. Most knew the brothers as Swiftpaw and Bulletpaw, two apprentices of ShadowClan, but they new each other as Swifty and Bullet. They were the only two still alive from their litter. The only two that survived. It bothered both of them, living like this, being alive while their siblings were dead. Swiftpaw had nearly gotten over the loss but Bulletpaw probably never would. How could he? After all it had been his fault. If he hadn't went after that fox cub because he had wanted to play they would still be alive.

"It's really not your fault, Bullet," Swiftpaw said softly as Bulletpaw sighed heavily.

Bulletpaw turned to his brother, his eyes shining with tears. "Yes it is, Swifty. It is my fault. if I hadn't been so stupid-"

"You are not stupid! And it was not your fault. All you wanted to do was make a new friend. You didn't ask for that to happen. You didn't mean for it to. It just happened." Swifty said, putting his paw on Bulletpaw's head.

Bulletpaw laid down. How could Swiftpaw lie to him like this? And right to his face? Why couldn't he admit that the entire accident was his fault? Suddenly, growling, Bulletpaw sprang up and raced away from his brother.

"I've got to get out of here. If I stay then the same thing will happen to Swifty."

[Icicleheart]

((You will only be the most perfect poster if you are nominated that. Sorry about the length you should never ask me to write something and not give me a topic cause it can go on for some time. I really don't like the ending to it, but I had to end it sometime. Snow It has to be 15 lines at least.))

It was a quiet, relaxing Christmas Eve, with a young couple cuddling in front of a fire. The man had given the woman her Christmas gift early, since he couldn’t wait to see her expression any longer. She had loved it more than he had imagined. Some more time passes by and the fire is starting to die when the woman hands him a small green box, suddenly. “Here I don’t want the surprised ruined in the morning.” Her voice was soft, sweet, and loving. Looking at his face she saw that he was confused. “You’ll see. Now go and open it. Please for me.” She smiled at him cheesily. Kissing her on the forehead, he took the box from her hands. Taking his time to remove the wrapping paper, he slowly removed it in one nice piece. “Hurry up will you, it will be morning before you get the box opened, you dingbat.” She nudged him and started to laugh lightly. He just smiled and joined in laughing with her. When he finally managed to get the box open he found a set of keys inside with a tag attached to them. It read: “Guess how long I have waited to give you these.” He was utterly confused now and had no idea what the keys unlocked. “Are you lost, love?” she asked when he said nothing.

“Yeah, actually I am and how long have you had these keys, exactly?” His soft, gentle voice asked.

“A little over three and a half years,” she made to get up, but he held her down. “What now?”

”You know I want to see what these keys go to.” The woman put on an innocent appearance at his words. “Stop pretending to not know what I’m talking about, will you?” The woman’s face looked hurt at these words. “I’m sorry that was uncalled for. Will you please show me and forgive me?” The man pulled her closer and gave her a hug before giving her an apology kiss.

“That is why I was getting up, just a few moments ago. Don’t worry either, I knew what I was getting in to when I acted innocent. I figured you would demand to see her. Oops!” her hands flew to cover her mouth. She saw that he had missed it. She got up and headed over to the front steps. He followed her. “Promise me you won’t do anything drastic and I will turn the light on.”

“Promise,” Once the word left his mouth and he saw what was waiting for him in the driveway, he started to wish he hadn’t promised. “How…? When…? But, you… I…” She smiled at him.

“Speechless, I’m good.” She gave a quick chuckle. He was just gaping out the window looking at it. Keeping true to his word and remembering the rest of the world only when she pushed his mouth shut for him. “I’m going to bed now, it’s late after all. Are you coming?” Yawning she shut the yard light off and turned to leave. Suddenly he scooped her up, off the floor and spun her around. “Ah!” the gasp escaped from her lips.

“Thank you! You are good. You have just given me one of my dream cars.” He spun her around again, before she nudged him to let her go to bed. He carried her to the bedroom and set her down. “I have no idea how…” he notice she had fallen asleep already. “She must have been tired.” Tucking her in, he went around to the other side of the bed and got in. He didn’t realize how tired he himself was and figured he would be awake for a little bit longer. The second his head was resting on the pillow, he was out.

((hope anyone who reads it enjoys it. ;D))

[Lightningstar]

((You go Swifty (I like Swiftpaw better )))

Snowstorm- I think it needs some work . Instead of always using periods, try using some commas!Liked the story but I think it would be better if you made it longer and put action words in it!Bring it out of that computer, ok?

Swiftpaw- Wow...........That was great! It was long, had action words, lots of commas, no run-on sentences. Wonderful!

Iciclepaw-You were suppose to write about Warrior cats *hits head with racketball racket!* Other wise really good!Only can you put some more action words in . Otherwise, great!

[Swifty]

I am the master!! Hey can I do another, but without Warriors members? Can I do my own thing?

[Lightningstar]

Sure I don't mind, I mean I am suppose to check a weekday for you but, if you do another good one I won't. (because you really work hard on yours!)

[Icicleheart]

Iciclepaw-You were suppose to write about Warrior cats *hits head with racket ball racket!* Other wise really good!Only can you put some more action words in . Otherwise, great!

*rubs head*
hey that hurt

you never mentioned writing about warrior cats so you cant blame me for my story plus my story isn't meant to be action packed. its close to a romance with out being an actual romance. i had several other peeps read it before i actually typed it up so it was proof read and i always reread things before posting them on here. i write for fun this is just a prologue to one of my many stories. Maybe i will just stop posting all together


(just kidding i love the site to much)

[Swifty]

(Here's a few for you! The first is based on wolves. The second Japanese Anime. The third Harry Potter. And the last one is The Lion King. ENJOY!!)






Rahle squinted as he looked up a the sun. He had been wandering around in this wretched forest for days and had not eaten a single thing. He growled softly as he thought back. Back to before he had been exiled from the pack. Back to before he had tried to go through with that stupid bet. It was all Damian's fault. Damian was the one that told him to try and kill Kyra. And he tried. Oh did he try. He would have succeeded too if Kyla hadn't got in the way. Kyla, stupid Kyla.

He turned around and began running once again. He had to get away from this place. It reminded him too much of his past. Too much of the terrible things he had done. The terrible things he would have done. The faster he ran the more his thoughts turned to that fateful day. The day that would change his life....

Rahle awoke to the same thing he always awoke to. Cais and Lark playing right next to him. He growled at the two cubs.

"Why do you always have to disturb me?" Rahle questioned the two.

"Gee Rahle. We're sorry. We really don't mean to wake you up" Cais explained quickly.

Rahle grinned at the two cubs and soon all three were playing a game of tag.

"Rahle!!" a voice rang out.

Rahle paused and turned around to see a black wolf walking towards him. The wolf had a slight limp and one of his eyes were missing. It was Damian. The two wolves greeted each other then took off for their usual morning stroll but this one was going to be different.

"Let's make a bet Rahle." Damian growled.

Rahle just nodded his head to show he was listening. He loved taking bets. Never once had he backed down from a bet or a dare.

"I bet that you won't try and kill someone in the pack. Someone important. Someone like Kyra" Damian sneered.

Rahle turned on his heel and raced towards a small cluster of wolves. Beyond those wolves, he knew, was the cave where Kyra, the alpha female and Bandack, the alpha male resided. He reached the cave and darted inside. Just as he had hoped Kyra was alone. He jumped on her growling and snarling viciously.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Aoi laughed as Kouki turned to face him. Tanpopo had a look of surprise on her face. Standing before her and Kouki were Youji, Arisa, Tsukiko, Ogata, Kouki's driver Sakata and of course Aoi.

Aoi laughed again his tongue flickering out to run against the blade of the knife. It had been his plan to surprise them like that. And boy were they surprised.

"What? Ain't ya happy to see us?"Aoi grinned as Kouki and Tanpopo stared blankly at the six.

Once again Aoi laughed. He was finding the situation very amusing indeed. He moved towards Tanpopo knife still in tow and as soon as he moved Tanpopo noticed the small boy standing by Arisa.

"Who's that?"Tanpopo questioned.

"That's Arijo. My son." Arisa smiled at her old friend.

"Hey!! He's my son too" Ogata smiled lovingly at his fiancee.

Aoi sighed, shaking his head. Ogata had proposed to Arisa a year before and she had accepted. Now they were just waiting to get out of school before the wedding.

Aoi thought back to when he first met Tanpopo and became friends with her group. He never thought it could be possible. And even now, three years later it still seemed far-fetched to him. He sighed. It was hard for him, never knowing whether these were true friends or not. He had been betrayed too many times so he wasn't very trusting of people. He had sensed the good in Tanpopo and had trusted her immediately. But the others had taken some time and even now he was still doubting his trust in them.

How could he trust them after what had happened to him? What was there to say they wouldn't abandon him like his friends and family did. It did not seem as though they would though. Three years and they were still there yet still Aoi didn't know.

He frowned as these thought raced through his head. None of them knew the truth about him. The truth about his family and why he was the way he was. He believed that he would never tell them either. How could he ever tell them? He didn't need nor want their pity.

As he thought he heard a noise behind him. Turning to look he saw a girl standing behind him. She had short blond hair and was wearing a school outfit. She was covered in blood and sobbing.

"Where is she? Wheres Miaka?" the girl sobbed.

"I don't know. Who's Miaka? Who are you?" Aoi was so confused.

"My name is Yui. I lost my friend Miaka. We came here with some friends. We were walking on the beach when we were attacked and thats the last thing I remember before I ended up here" Yui gasped tears still pouring down her face.

"What are your friends names?"Aoi patted her on the back trying his best to calm her.

"Tasuki, Tamahome, Nuriko, Amiboshi and Suboshi" Yui sobs had slowed to a near stop.

Aoi sighed with happiness. He was glad he had finally gotten the girl to stop. Now all he had to do was get her to tell him where she came from. He turned to face her once again but the girl was gone. He jumped up and looked around. There was no sign of her yet the blood from her outfit was now stained on the grass. He stood up and ran back to Tanpopos grandparent's house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Wolfgang raised his left hand, which was still grasped tightly around the wand, and pointed it towards the lake. What was whispered could not be heard by anyone not even Zephyrus. A yellowish green light emitted from Wolfgang's wand and soared toward the lake.

As soon as the light faded everyone began screaming. The prank was coming together. One of the many pranks he would pull this year and the next.

The students and teachers quieted down after a matter of seconds. Zephyrus glanced at Wolfgang. When was the prank? But then he saw. Out of the water rose a creature. The creature was the giant squid. Everyone had seen the squid at least once during their years at Hogwarts and they knew he was completely harmless. But this time they were wrong.

Wolfgang laughed as the squid began attacking everyone including Zephyrus and he. Everyone was screaming are running around, covering their heads from the blows of the heavy tentacles that the squid was thrashing around.

"What the fuck, Wolfgang? Are you fucking crazy? We could die dammit" Zephyrus said viciously.

Wolfgang looked at Zephyrus and laughed again. He had meant to fill everyone with fear and he had succeeded. He raised his wand once more and this time the wand emitted blue sparks. The spell was meant to calm the squid but it failed and the squids rampage continued.

"Wolfgang! Stop it. Change the squid to normal" Zephyrus yelled.

"I can't! The spell isn't working. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Oh damn." Wolfgang was trembling now with fear.

Once again he tried the spell and this time he succeeded. The squid stopped attacking the witches and wizards and calmly made its way back to the lake. Wolfgang laughed. He had completed the first part of the prank.

"Never again Wolfgang. Never" Zephyrus shook his head and gasping for breath walked off.

"Sorry Zephyrus buddy but the show must go on" Wolfgang smiled and raised his wand once more.

A shrill scream was heard from one of the students. A dark hooded figure loomed over them. They had no idea what was going on and once again they began running towards the castle screaming at the top of their lungs, trying to outrun the hooded figures but they followed the terrified teachers and students

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Vitani, one of the former outsiders and Kovu's young sister, stepped up to the crowd of lionesses. They were all looking at Simba, Kovu and Nala. Amongst the lions were Simbas daughter Kiara, his mother Sarabi, Nalas mother Sarafina and Vitanis own mother, Zira, whom was thought to be dead.

Nearly a year after Zira had fallen over the cliff Kovu had been out hunting and had found her, wandering, lost and helpless. She had no memory of anything that happened, but now, almost half a year later, she was getting some of her memories back. It had been a joyous thing for Vitani and Nuka. Kovu had not been as happy as his siblings.

Why should he though? After what she put him through. I'm surprised he actually has anything to do with her nowadays. She put him through so much as a cub Vitani thought

She searched the pride once more, looking for her elder brother, Nuka. She spotted him standing next to a lioness. The lioness was known as Jaeso, and was also known to be Nukas love. Vitani walked up to the two.

"Nuka! What's going on?" Vitani asked.

"The hyenas. They're back" Nuka replied.

"But that means....." Vitani began.

Her brother replied with a nod. They were thinking the same thing Simba, Kovu and Nala had thought. War in the pridelands once more.






(It's insanely long...I know. But definetely worth it!!!)

[Lagoonpool]

wow amazing.....FULL MARKS FOR YOU!!!! you pass with flying colours!!!!!

[Swifty]

As always. Tee hee. I'll definitely do more soon. I like this. I also did something on another site I'm on that you are on Lagoonpool and so is Snowstorm and Lightningheart. Its my Hall of Shame!!